D is for Distortion
“We see the world, not as it is, but as we are──or, as we are conditioned to see it.” Stephen R Covey
The NLP Communication Model explains that we experience the world through our senses. As there is so much information that our senses are aware of, we have to filter it and this is done through 3 main filters; Deletion, Distortion and Generalisation.
Deletions
Deletions are just that – when we overlook or omit aspects of our experience. We become aware of what we focus on. Therefore it is only now as you read this, that you become aware of your big toe (because I have made you aware of it.)
Distortions
Distortions occurs when we misrepresent our experience of sensory data. e.g. This could be thinking that we recognise someone when we don’t or imagining a new house with your furniture in it.
Unconscious biases are a form of distortion. Where our unconscious attitudes, beliefs and assumptions influence our thinking. These biases can include:
- Perception bias; stereotyping individuals and groups of people based on gender, age etc
- Affinity bias; the tendency to favour people who share similar interests, backgrounds, and experiences
- Confirmation bias; the tendency to seek out and use information that confirms one’s views and expectations. In other words, cherry-picking information to validate certain points.
- Halo Effect; this occurs when we develop an overall positive impression of someone because of one of their qualities or traits and overlook any negative traits.
- Horns Effect; the opposite of the Halo effect where we have a negative impression of someone based on one trait or experience.
Distortion of Thoughts
Distortions all run at the unconscious level and happen in a split second. They help us process our experiences quickly but can be harmful if our thinking is distorted from the reality.
Here is an everyday example of how it could work in practice:
You arrive late for a meeting with your boss who tells you he does not like it. Later you see your boss talking to their boss and assume they are talking about your timekeeping. The next day you are given a difficult project, and you assume it is a punishment. You then talk about how your boss is unfair and gives you all the extra work. This is distorting your experience in 2 ways:
- assuming that your boss was talking about you and that they were punishing you
- assuming the story you are telling about having extra work, which could be far from the truth.
Reframing to Challenge Distortions
Reframing is a NLP technique which involves distorting consciously to challenge our thinking and change our perspective.
What other reasons could you be given the difficult project?
- You were the only one with the skillset
- It is a chance for you to learn some new skills
- It could be the chance for you to demonstrate your readiness for a promotion
- And many more.
I wonder how many other ideas you can think of. The more different ideas you can come up with to challenge the better. They can even be funny or amusing and when they are this helps to shift your mindset even further from this distorted truth you are telling yourself.
What story are you telling yourself? Use this technique to consider the glass half full rather than empty and notice how it changes your perspective.
If you want to learn more about unconscious biases or how to change your mindset, then contact me to find out how NLP can help.