C is for Communication
“The meaning of communication is in the response you get”
If you want to improve your relationships, then this NLP Presupposition should be at the forefront of your mind. A NLP Presupposition is a statement we choose to believe to help us live our best life.
But what does it mean? It means if you want to improve your relationships, you must take 100% responsibility for your communication.
That means thinking about the outcome you want from a discussion and then considering how to communicate that so that the other person understands and buys into it. So then it becomes a win-win.
How do we Communicate?
We tend to think we communicate through our words. In reality, we are always communicating whether or not we are speaking. When we speak it is the words but even more so, the tone of voice that tells a story. Also, our physiology, or body langauge is always communicating.
- if you smile at someone and they smile back that tells you something
- if you smile at someone and they do not smile back that tells you something else.
You will interpret and judge both of these situations based on your own interpretation and possibly your mood.
The Communication Theory
Professor Mehrabian created the theory that when you communicate in a 1-2-1 situation
- 7% are words
- 38% tone of voice
- 55% body language
Whether these are the exact percentages can be debated but it is worth taking note of the amount we are communicating in non-verbal ways.
Therefore, if you are not getting the result you want from your communication think about your words and also your tone and the message you could be giving through your body language; posture, gestures, facial expressions.
For example, if you come home from work and you ask your partner “How was your day?” and they say “Fine” with a face like a long weekend, you know it was not “fine.” Your response to that will depend perhaps on your day and whether this is a usual or unusual retort. The result could end up in a negative spiral.
Take 100% Responsibility
Although we talk about communication being 2 way. If you were to take 100% responsibility, you will improve all of your relationships.
When you are communicating, start to notice if you are getting the response that you want from the other person. If not, think about how you change your communication delivery and style to make it more palatable for them.
When someone is communicating to you be aware that when you hear words that are not consistent with the physiology, rather than take on your own interpretation of what the other person means, become curious and ask them…you could be surprised by the results!
It easier to say than to do, especially in the heat of the moment. But I guarantee it will improve your relationships and your life!
If you want to learn more communciation skills then contact me to find out how NLP can help.